


We're Together Now, Can't It Be Enough?

by unicorn_mooncake



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal, Angst, Bottom Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Cheating, College, Drabble, Drama & Romance, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Gay Sex, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Infidelity, M/M, Mentions of Changbin - Freeform, Multi, No Strings Attached, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Oneshot, Rimming, Romance, Smut, Top Hwang Hyunjin, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29375058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unicorn_mooncake/pseuds/unicorn_mooncake
Summary: As far as the saying goes: "what they don't know won't hurt them.", the same thing is what Felix believes because he may have Changbin by his side but he also has Hyunjin as well, and that is something Changbin doen't need to know. Hyunjin however, Hyuunjin knows and what he knows is more than what Felix's own lover does- how to touch Felix, where to do it and when, as long as Changbin is out of the picture because when he's about to, that's Hyunjin's cue to leave and wait for another day Felix will ask him to come over and do something Changbin will never get to know......because what Changbin doesn't know won't hurt him.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	We're Together Now, Can't It Be Enough?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, folks!
> 
> I have a pending JiCheol fic waiting but someone had to force me into this hahaha so yeah. I'm no STAY so please bear with me if there's a slight change in behavior and all that, and also if there are any errors omitted, I really wish you'd overlook 'em because my fics are always unbeta'd.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy my work! And don't forget to hit that kudos button and leave a comment. I'd like to hear what you think about my work. Thank you in advance, y'all!

As far as how love should go, things aren’t working really well for everyone with some not experiencing it the way how people talk about how it should be, and while some haven’t even tasted the promise they were hoping for from it, because as far as love goes, not everyone gets their fair share of it. Well, at least some did get it- not the kind they wished for, sure but they still did!

You get what you settle for, right?

Felix however, why would he settle for less when he could have the best? That’s what he keeps telling himself anyway as much as the idea of what “best” is for him can be somehow a bit twisted than what it normally should be.

It helps him sleep at night.

What is the “standard best” anyway? And why does everyone have to follow it when the idea of individuality was to be unique in the first place?

Everyone has their preference and that includes in love too. It just so happens that what Felix has going on with his own kind of love may not pass the status quo of what everyone says it is, but then again, said everyone doesn’t need to know and what they don’t know won’t hurt them and that’s what matters…

…what Changbin doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Hyunjin knows though, and Hyunjin knows so much more than what Changbin does, and Felix wishes that his boyfriend will never find out because it’s better that way, for Changbin, for Felix, and for Hyunjin who knows far more about Felix that even Changbin himself has no clue of- things that should be kept in the dark, to never be brought into the light, just between Hyunjin and Felix, whenever Changbin is nowhere in the picture because when he is, that’s Hyunjin’s cue to leave and for Felix to give him a goodbye kiss on the lips before he sets off an hour before Felix’s boyfriend catches them together. They’ll see each other again soon enough.

It’s always been like this for them three, or two, considering how Changbin has no part to play in it and yet somehow, unknowingly, he does. And again, it’s better that way, in almost the same way as better as it is when Hyunjin pushes Felix down on all fours or presses him up against the wall in a rough manhandling manner that breaks the Australian to submission and something only Hyunjin can do, something he holds to his advantage.

Changbin? Well, he has no clue how Felix likes it and that’s probably the only time Hyunjin voices out his own thought of the matter because if Felix’s partner finds out what his partner likes, that may be the time for Hyunjin to finally take his last step into this relationship he never thought he’d be a part of but he is, and he still is, almost every other night for the past year now. So Changbin doesn’t need to know, he has no right to know because once he does, Felix will be farther away from Hyunjin’s reach even if the freckled young man is already so.

“Yongie-ah…” cooed in the older blonde into the other’s ear he is sprawled weakly on top of as his words, wondering as they are hot, breathes ticklish sensation down the flesh he can catch how it shudders through the blow of his exhale. “…What are we?”

It took a few seconds of deafening silence kept steady only by the faint rhythm of heartbeat before Hyunjin gets the answer he was anticipating for and even then, not the one he was hoping for.

Without turning to face the older lying on him, Felix stayed still in his position on the bed, his face tilted to the side on the plush pillow with Hyunjin’s tender lips just a miniscule of a distance from the shell of his ear. Felix, unfazed of the question the older had asked him countless of times already but somehow, never loses hope on getting a different response from the ones he always gets.

Felix sighed then.

“…we’re happy, Hyunjin- I’m happy.” said Felix back, the lack of interest to probe further into the conversation they had for so many times already they both know would only lead to an argument is heavy on his tone. They’ve been through this before and something tells Felix this also won’t be the last. He’s sure it won’t be because the last time Hyunjin said it was that then, the following day Felix received a phone call in the middle of one of his Anthropology classes with a familiar voice at the other end of the line, sniffling as he begs Felix to take him back even if Felix didn’t do anything at all! He didn’t take Hyunjin to begin with so there’s no telling how he’d throw him away, let alone take him back.

“Aren’t you happy?”

“I- I am!”

But is Hyunjin really?

The world can borrow the bright and warmth of daylight the morning Sun is generous of sharing but sooner or later, the night will return and so will Hyunjin who has to return Felix to Changbin; that short span of twilight where the world the Moon and the Sun revolves around will have to share on the exact same thing, neither theirs but somehow belongs to them like some bad joke no one is getting except for Felix himself.

“I’m at my happiest with you, baby.”

And Hyunjin is.

That’s the only time Felix decides to turn around and face the older male tenderly clinging to him with an arm draped around his otherwise sweat-slick skin, as if holding him long enough would make Felix Hyunjin’s- it was worth a shot though and Felix is still kind enough to let him do what he wishes, whatever makes him smile and at his happiest as Felix turns to him, turning his lean yet muscular body around too that Hyunjin would kill just to leave his mark on the flushed skin, inviting, enticing, tempting but to an extent because as much as Felix can leave any kind of mark there is on Hyunjin and oh, how Hyunjin loves it where he can show it off the world most, Felix on the other hand, cannot and he doesn’t want to unless he’s prepared to live a Changbin-less life which as of the moment, he isn’t.

“Then that should be enough.”

Felix’s voice is deep, it always has been deep, just enough to make the gravity of his words weigh even more than it already is. The harsh words that although are true, still cuts like a knife to the very same wound on Hyunjin’s heart that never ceases to heal as every single time it finally gets the chance to do so, in the silence of the night while Hyunjin walks back home, wondering along the streets of Seoul with a lit cigarette between his lips not too long ago were busy as they devote their very existence to one Lee Felix, if even for one night, he can call Felix his, reality reminds him that no matter what he does even if it means of carving said hurt heart of his out of his chest to offer it to Felix which he is sure the younger will gladly receive, there is nothing more Hyunjin can do but to watch Felix put it in a box once Changbin comes back home.

Because Felix has a very deep voice that sounds so melodious as it calls out Hyunjin’s name in the dark, when it cries and begs and moans, pleading for more or to go slower, or just for anything really as long as Hyunjin can hear it say his name.

The last thing Felix said to him that night with that voice of his Hyunjin is so addicted to like a song stuck in his head- LSS as people call it, was when he was asked to leave since it’s almost 7 in the evening and the younger still had to clean up the mess they’ve made before he too, cleans away any evidence of Hyunjin’s presence in that apartment. And that hurt, honestly, like Hyunjin’s very existence was nothing more to but to be Felix’s pastime while his boyfriend is still at school but then again, that’s probably the best way to put it.

Hyunjin just nodded in defeat. He rolled off of Felix and on his way for a quick shower which is the least Felix can let him do, he takes the used condoms thrown on the carpeted floor and slid them inside a plastic bag he is to throw on his way out at the nearby dumpster at the end of Felix’s apartment block because like it was said: no evidence of his presence, not even on Felix’s lips Hyunjin plants a gentle kiss on in hopes that even on that, he could at least receive something back in return.

He didn’t.

That night on his way home, Hyunjin walked past by Changbin- the ignorant fuck as per Hyunjin, was unaware of how this random person he doesn’t even know just made his boyfriend scream in bed not an hour ago- Changbin’s boyfriend, that is. Not Hyunjin’s.

It was two weeks later after that night did Hyunjin receive a call he was dying to get from the only person that matters to him at the moment, not even college can hold Hyunjin back when that special ringtone reserved for that single special person in his life rang in the middle of class. Hyunjin’s phone screen lit and in that split-second of awareness as the contact tag of “내 복복이” flashed, without a second thought, Hyunjin answered the call and rushed out of class, bag in hand knowing full well the sole reason behind that call, and he’d rather skip class than skip another second in his life without Felix in it. He did, after all, had to change his hair color back to black just so he can stand out more whenever he’s with the younger and his golden locks; excited, to say the least, on seeing Felix again.

“Where are you? Binnie’s not home.” Felix asked without even the slightest ounce of thrill in his baritone voice. Hyunjin can do the excitement part for the both them and they know it because not even a millisecond passed before Hyunjin is speaking, a bit breathless though as he runs as fast as he can just to not waste precious time.

“I’m on my way!” said Hyunjin back, and even behind the phone and so as the distance Hyunjin is cutting short for the sake of the other person he’s talking to at that exact moment, Felix on the other end of the line can hear that undeniable smile growing on the older’s face. He knows Hyunjin enough to know what things make him smile and what does not, and more so, what things that could make him cut classes his own boyfriend cannot do.

“Condoms?” Hummed Felix who is practically sprawled naked on the bed, waiting and rolling on the fresh sheets he just laid onto and is hoping to soil already with whatever bodily fluid the material can absorb later- an honor Hyunjin holds to himself Felix saves for him and not to Changbin, no.

“You know I always carry three, right?”

Yes, because one is not enough and two if they’re in a rush. Two can also save them the trouble of getting some again if the first one snaps and breaks if they’re in a mad quickie that could only last for thirty minutes, foreplay and all. Hyunjin can’t even kiss Felix during quickies, he just has to do what he got there for and leave right after and only then will he get his reward which was only a mere smack of lips by the younger before he gets kicked out because Changbin is almost home.

A kiss for an almost life and death moment, is it worth it? Ask that to Hwang Hyunjin who climbs the stairs down with the biggest smile on his flushed face. His bleached hair back then all messy and him, disheveled that people would actually stare at him on his way back to school but yes, it definitely was worth it.

“Should I get more?” and Hyunjin’s not going to lie the thought of more brings the promise of an even longer time he’ll get to spend with Felix, even if it mostly involves sex and less talking or doing anything lovers do in general- if they are lovers.

There was silence, silence that Hyunjin had to check his phone just to make sure Felix is still there with him as he climbs on a cab just because taking the sub or the bus would burn precious time- only the best for Felix!

“B- baby?”

Hyunjin was just about to drop the call and wait for Felix to call him again because he should **never** call the other unless he was told to ahead of time just so Changbin won’t get a hint on what’s going on between them, but then suddenly, there was a hum, Felix’s hum…

“…hmmm…”

“Yeah?”

“On second thought, don’t bring any today.”

Wait, is it Hyunjin’s birthday? He’s not exactly sure but he knows it was a couple of months ago because he bought a cake for Felix (yes, because it was Hyunjin’s birthday but he thought he should get Felix a cake). It’s not Christmas either because that holiday is still a far cry from anything else. Halloween? Well, no one gives out gifts on Halloween! Thanksgiving? St. Peter’s Day? Easter? Black Friday even?!

Whatever day it is, somehow Felix chose that day to be something for them to do it without any kind of protection at all. And Hyunjin knows that they’ve only done it once and it was when Changbin and Felix had a fight and Felix was left alone just because Changbin had to leave for his parents’ house to cool off, little did he know that his highly alcohol intoxicated boyfriend needed him the most but it didn’t matter anymore anyway. It was in the past and while Changbin was fuming on his Momma’s lap or God knows what back then, Hyunjin was already balls-deep inside Felix, raw and without a single care in the world because even if he has to leave before the Sun rises the next day, no trace of him can be found inside the apartment and even more so inside the younger, somehow, Hyunjin still got to make love to the very person he wants so badly to call his.

Felix can’t recall anything from that night with Hyunjin however and perhaps it was for the better because it was on that night did Hyunjin had the courage to tell Felix those three precious words before the younger passes out blank.

“I love you, Felix…” and the only thing Hyunjin got was that exhausted smile with Felix’s eyes crinkled from it. They are bit swollen too as the dried trail of all the tears he had shed that night remained printed on his face and so as the tired look of drowsiness when he falls asleep not a second later.

That was quite the fulfilling night for Hyunjin who even though only had to see through it alone considering how Felix fell unconscious the very instant they finished, deep in his heart he still got to make Felix feel amazing. He still got the chance to make Felix forget of all the things bothering his mind including that boyfriend of his, Changbin. Changbin Hyunjin despises the most even if he’s not entirely at fault as to why his lover fools around behind his back.

There are times that Hyunjin actually feels bad for the only downside on this game he and Felix play for quite some time now and there are more than many times he thought of leaving for good because claiming to be the loser was already done the second he agreed to sleep with Felix while knowing the younger is already seeing someone else- Hyunjin is the loser here, no matter what angle you look at it or what angle **he** looks at it. But with every second he spends with Felix, every moment Felix wants him, calls for him, and even thinks of him although Hyunjin is not entirely sure of that last one, he believes he’s one step closer on having someone he shouldn’t want for himself.

But Felix can want him though, so why can’t he want Felix back? It’s just as simple as that!

It was Felix who said it himself anyway as the older male he invited over stepped into the familiar apartment he’s been visiting so often it almost feels like home, even more so when Hyunjin was greeted with the younger’s arms around his waist and that face he was hoping to see, quick to plant right onto the strong chest of his.

“Took you long enough.” Complained Felix, grumbling almost incoherently against Hyunjin’s chest who is now chuckling at his needy gesture he didn’t even try to hide, well, nor did Hyunjin with his amusement and so as the light strokes along Felix’s blonde hair that made Hyunjin himself miss his previous hair color but not as much as he missed Felix who he bet, misses him even so.

“Did you- did you miss me?” Hyunjin was hoping…

“What?!” exclaimed Felix, taken aback at the question that had him pulling back away instantly. “What the fuck- don’t be gross, man!”

…Hyunjin hoped.

He should stop hoping really.

He’s an idiot.

He’s **Felix’s** idiot.

In short: he’s very much the idiot.

“Please don’t call me “man”…” and Hyunjin shook his head, keeping that smile on his face like the idiot he is. “…We’re way past the “man” kind of relationship.”

The younger man, the blonde just chuckled in return at Hyunjin’s remarks about his nickname.

“Are we even **in** a relationship?”

“Touché, baby.”

Only then did Hyunjin get the first and hopefully not the last kind of a sincere response from Felix when Felix’s soft chuckles of delight breaks into a full-blown laughter and suddenly, Hyunjin was reminded of the promise his stay with Felix holds because Hyunjin may be an idiot for still believing on whatever this “promise” is but he is no fool to not know what his own promise holds for the other. For instance: he can hold Felix in any way he wants it, for as long as Changbin doesn’t find out, and he won’t. Felix and Hyunjin together made sure of that.

“Touché my ass.”

“You know I would…”

That was probably the most inappropriate use of “touché” anyone could do, in any kind of grammatical rule and just the rule of decency if there ever is one on substituting “touché” as a sexual innuendo- it’s not even that good of a euphemism and yet somehow, Hyunjin made it work! Because again, only he and he alone, knows how Felix’s mind works and as it turns out, he was right on what that “touché” meant when he was beckoned to follow Felix into the bedroom where Hyunjin who has made a map of Felix’s body in his head quickly caught the change maybe Felix himself wouldn’t thought he’d notice.

“Did you do it with him last night?”

“Why did you dye your hair?” and Felix reaches a hand to rake through the older’s jet-black locks, his body in an awkward angle as he kept on his knees but turns around just so he can face Hyunjin, only to be halted with his advances by a firm grip on his wrist.

“You’re changing the subject, Yongie. Did you do it with him last night?” asked Hyunjin again. He can feel his brows meeting in a downward slide in the middle of his forehead and so as that small ball of irritation, possession even grow in his throat that makes swallowing hard.

“I did, okay?!” Felix yanked his hand back before returning to his earlier position with his head buried on the pillows, hands balled to fists as they held onto the sheets and his ass, raised high-up in the air for Hyunjin to dip his face into.

“Yeah, we did it last night. So what?” he hissed, annoyance evident in his tone. Hyunjin felt the gravity of that eye-roll he didn’t even need to see to know. “We’re boyfriends so what’s the deal? I was expecting you’d work your mouth on me but not like this!”

“I cleaned myself so there’s nothing left in there so I thought you’d like to do me too but if you’re gonna act like a bitch, please, by all means, leave…”

It felt like a slap and it if it was, it sure did its job right by reminding Hyunjin where he is, what he is too but that won’t change the fact Felix’s words are still ringing in his head like an echo, except that this doesn’t fade out or anything and would just continue over and over again until Felix breaks out a heavy sigh and squirms back away from Hyunjin and that there was what brought him back to the task at hand which he quickly returned back to by hooking his arms around Felix’s thighs and pull him back to Hyunjin.

“Fu- fuck! Hyun- jin- aargh!”

Hyunjin’s tongue was hot as it forces its wriggling form into the blonde’s heat and just like the warm color of his hair, so does his insides, clamping down in earnest at the eager intrusion of a wet dart sliding deep into Felix before it pulls back all the way out and leaves Felix empty. It was deliberate but not to torture the younger male because as Hyunjin plucks his tongue out of the still loose seams of flesh, red around the rim as evidence from last night, the images of how much of a whore Felix was to his lover only fueled Hyunjin to continue but not in a way he could hurt Felix because like they say: “kill them with kindness” and that’s what Hyunjin has in store by pressing his tongue flat against the crack of the younger male’s and slowly yet hard, licks a heavy stripe all the way up to Felix’s tailbone where a shudder runs up like fire on matchstick setting everything in its part on fire.

Felix cried out again, harder as the rough pad of Hyunjin’s tongue does it again, licking him as if the now raven-haired man is so desperate to lick Changbin off of him- perhaps if he’s to continue any longer, he might actually do!

The world cannot blame him nor can Felix for what Hyunjin is feeling at that moment with each heavy glide of his tongue on Felix’s hole, and then he goes back into the slick heat by sliding right back in to push for as far as he can, until his lips are pressed flushed against Felix’s rim, his teeth grazing along the sensitive ring that he uses all to his advantage in a trick he is sure to make the younger scream out and as expected, it did.

Who wouldn’t scream at the top of their lungs to what Hyunjin just did anyway? Not Felix especially.

“I- I’m close- don’t stop, baby! Fuck, I’m close!”

And if that’s not enough to tell how familiar Hyunjin is with Felix’s body more than he is with his own then he doesn’t know what is.

There’s no disappointing Felix, not from Hyunjin who he said he was expecting to use his mouth on him and Hyunjin does. Oh, dear God, how Hyunjin does.

The flavor is intoxicating but then again, everything about Felix is. From the sheer look in his doe eyes too perfect to captivate and bend the strongest of wills like Hyunjin’s to his disposal, to the very scent of his skin, of his hair, his breath, filling the older’s flaring nostrils brushing against Felix’s tailbone as Hyunjin kept in his current position, face planted in-between the Felix’s legs as so they are connected together…

…the rich taste of Felix’s salty sweat trailing down on Hyunjin’s lips caught between the tiniest of gaps as the tender suckles of the older male were of earnest need, so as the way his teeth captures the opening they pressed up against, while his tongue, Hyunjin would like to hear more of what his tongue can do inside Felix if the younger is not so busy ruining his vocal cords with all kinds of noise not even the pillow can muffle- it was a sad attempt really and completely unavailing, and so Hyunjin took it to himself to stretch an arm forth and his hand onto Felix’s golden hair he didn’t hesitate to tug back as to free the younger from the otherwise failure of a way to silence his voice Hyunjin would very much like to hear all for himself, how Felix mewls and how he whines with his voice not fit at all to produce such lewd melodies Hyunjin takes it all for himself so greedily. But not as greedy as Felix is however, sucking the intruding deeper into himself with each clenching-hot squeeze every single time Hyunjin flicks his tongue and from the swipe had Felix seeing stars before his somewhat half-lidded eyes. His toes curled in too and as Hyunjin licks him up again, Felix jolts out with a shudder he couldn’t keep to himself, a hand reaching back eagerly to hold onto the closest thing it can reach and who was Hyunjin to deny his favorite person a small intimate hold?

Felix is close already. He’s very close to his release with only Hyunjin’s mouth alone on him, his fingers haven’t even joined the mix, let alone the ample girth standing proud between his legs Felix can already feel inside him while his own, almost neglected erection hangs heavy and leaking like it was begging for the attention it was denied of, that until Hyunjin with his free hand, reached for Felix there and strokes, languid yet firm.

A very long and quite the unadulterated “fuck” left Felix’s lips, guttural as it is breathless the heavy tone of his voice vibrates through his throat that even Hyunjin who is causing him this extreme surge of sensation surging throughout him, felt the reverberating resonance that made him smirk in triumph even if most of his face is still hidden behind Felix’s, well, behind.

Can Changbin do this to Felix?

A question for the brainless because if Changbin can, then there definitely won’t be a reason for Hyunjin to be there in the first place and God forbids that to happen or else…

…or else…

“Jinnie-ah…”

As it turns out, Hyunjin too just proved himself to be the brainless he mentioned when Felix tugged onto the very hand he offered earlier. Now it was Felix who used it back to him as his curious eyes bore through Hyunjin’s core, at loss of the sudden drift the man that was supposed to be doing wonders to him at that moment with his mouth.

“…You’re getting weird. I think we should call it a day and I- ”

“N- no!”

The now black-haired Hyunjin straightens back up. He didn’t even get to wipe his slick mouth fresh from eating Felix still bent forward for him and kisses each of the spread cheeks softly in an attempt to salvage the situation obviously is slipping from him or rather, the situation Hyunjin himself is slipping from.

“No, I’m fine! I’m sorry, baby…” added Hyunjin with another gentle peck, this time, on the very same entrance he now left alone, gaping in dire need to be once again filled. “…I’m just a bit tired from Uni but nothing to worry about, I promise.” And just so his word can be taken seriously by Felix now furrowing his brows back at him in what the older can sense as doubts, Hyunjin raises his right hand- a gesture of a promise his lopsided smile he added didn’t seem to be working well, but it did, thankfully, had Felix dropping the scowl in exchange of an amused smile forming on his plump, Cupid’s bow lips.

Sighing has become Felix so much Hyunjin can’t even stand it without remembering this specific young man who just sighed again.

“Okay, fine!” Felix declared in surrender after a second or two there of staring back at the older behind. “But I swear, I don’t know why I still hang with you.”

Because you love me, Hyunjin wanted to reply so badly it was almost at the tip of his tongue and just a thread of self-restraint away from getting spoken.

“…Because…”

Because you love me, Felix, and I love you.

I will love you, Lee Felix. Better than anyone else can, better than Changbin if you just let me- just one time.

I love you.

“…Because I have a big dick, I’m handsome, and I’m a good fuck.”

That was the best Hyunjin’s mind can give to him at that needed moment when he was about to blurt out the very truth the younger dares him to say but at the expense of their already twisted relationship if one is to call that to twist further and coil it would snap! Never to be repaired again.

That’s what awaits Hyunjin if he was stupid enough to confess to Felix like this, or confess to him at all of all the feelings he’s harbored towards him.

There is a boundary, you see. A boundary so thin and so faint it blurs the bigger pictures it was supposed to divide and sometimes, the said hazed line, this border fades into the unknown until it can no longer be seen nor even remembered, and that was the time when things become too dangerous for both parties involved; war is different from it, and a far cry simpler too where either end would face conflict only to have a victor or a truce at the end but with what Hyunjin and Felix have, one is bound to fall and judging from the currents of this otherwise stagnancy of a relationship they have for each other, there is no denying whose downfall it is that awaits them in the end.

A downfall Hyunjin is not yet ready to jump into. Not yet.

Besides, he has worked so hard to be where he is now to suddenly abandon every ounce of common sense and good reasoning for sheer madness, in desperate hopes Felix would accept his love and most of all, return it- no. That’s not how things work, not for them, and especially not for Hyunjin Felix shrugs at upon accepting the somewhat sound reason as to why he still sleeps with Hyunjin because for the young Australian, that’s just about it. Nothing more, nothing less compared to Hyunjin’s all-out faith not even the most loyal of believers can best him from.

“You’re probably right, I can give you that.” Felix hummed, earning him a smile from Hyunjin he had no clue held so many kept emotions, feelings and so as thoughts that boil down into that sincere quirk of lips he only took for granted with a kiss as he turns to face Hyunjin and hauls him down to topple over him back onto the bed.

“You can give me something else though. Can you do that for me, baby?”

A hand graces the curve of Hyunjin’s face as fingertips ghosted along the side of his face, tracing the prominent outline of his features from the temple where some loose strands of black hair fell loose Felix was so good on tucking back behind the shell of Hyunjin’s ear before it travels further south to his jawline and finally to his chin where a thumb and an index finger pinned the jutting point Felix used to his leverage and pulled Hyunjin for a chaste kiss.

The younger moaned at the contact of their mouths colliding together to meld in a near-perfection fit with Felix below and Hyunjin on top who only needed a so-called nudge before he once again takes the leave on where he left off earlier while he was busy daydreaming of things he shouldn’t be focusing at all with a naked and a very needy Felix now hooking his lithe limbs around Hyunjin’s form, a sign of his fervent and desires he can no longer disregard. Arms around Hyunjin’s slender neck and spidery-long legs locking on his waist, there’s no escaping now that Felix has Hyunjin in his hold and honestly, Hyunjin has no plans on doing so.

If there is a plan, it would be for Hyunjin to deepen the liplock he still shares with the younger male as eager as he is to continue it.

Lips clashed, relentless as teeth clacked together but made no difference to stop both males fighting over the dominance that could find no victor as the two are so intent on winning over the other. Tongues danced in the heat of the connection, wriggling and twirling together before they pierce straight into a swordfight-like action tuned with the music of their moans, the sloppy smack of flushed lips and the uncapping of that bottle of lube as Hyunjin pours a generous content onto his shaft aching to be touched and now he finally got to, not only from the cold, slimy texture of the gel that had himself twitching but also from the ecstatic sensation by running his hand along his manhood- up and down, and up and down again in a steady motion careful jerks to lather the lube evenly from the thick base to the red, bulbous crown heavily dripping of precum that reflects Felix’s own resting between his legs and lining up to his stomach, it’s just that Hyunjin is longer, thicker, and bigger than Felix which gave him the rights to be the one on top and if Hyunjin is being honest himself, he likes it the way it is just like how Felix does too.

Hyunjin likes to be on top. He loves to be on top of Felix, see him squirm, see him and hear him, taste him too, smell him through the heat and just be there as witness as Felix breaks apart only for Hyunjin to fix him right up again, again and again in a loop until he finally comes undone with a loud cry that could rattle their world.

Hyunjin likes to be on top because it gives him that sense of power even if it’s just only in bed. It gives him the idea of how he can be there for whatever Felix needs from him, that Hyunjin can give it to him and protect him, love him with all his heart with each precise pound the bed creaks in protest to how rough they could do it- it was a miracle that neither the bedframe nor the mattress gave up on Felix and Hyunjin because with Changbin, there’s no certainty if he can even make his own boyfriend moan as much as a squeak out of him. With Hyunjin, Felix can be loved in the right way he wants it except that he wants it not from Hyunjin.

He wants something else from the older though. He said it himself not too long ago.

“Put it in- n- now!”

Making love isn’t what it is until the top ingredient was added into it and as much as this may sound sad, but it isn’t love because if it is, Hyunjin must’ve been doing it right for quite a time now but to some unknown reason, it didn’t work because it could either be that he’s doing it wrong or just the simple truth that making love isn’t as “loving:” as it really is; as it turns out, the key ingredient to making love a lot of people seem to be forgetting is not love itself although the L word there has a great factor to make the whole passionate deed be passionate at all but the most important thing there one shouldn’t miss is “mutuality”.

Yes, you got that right!

 **Mutuality**.

How come?

Hyunjin is a diligent young man, a hopeless romantic who was so keen on making the only person he fell head over heels for return even just half of his interest back, and if some would settle on some late-night conversations or the everyday trips from school to their homes, Friday dinner like any domestic lovers are looking forward to, Hyunjin as well, is on the same page, it just so happens that he has his own little with the mutuality with the other half of his supposed wanted relationship, because Felix to say the least, does not share the feelings with Hyunjin. He doesn’t even share anything to Hyunjin, at all!

It was, as Air Supply sang it that it actually became a hit song for those of broken heart and failed love: “making love out of nothing at all.” And that there, hit home better than Hyunjin’s angled thrusts on Felix under him, making the younger male with his now hoarser voice cry out and grabbed onto Hyunjin’s biceps for his dear life, his nails clawed deep into the muscular flesh crescents delve into the skin, and as Felix was bent almost in half by Hyunjin, his legs forced over Hyunjin’s shoulders for a deeper reach, Air Supply, those prophets, are true to their music…

…Hyunjin was indeed making love out of nothing at all.

It will always be mutuality for Hyunjin at the end of the day; he and Felix may share the same interests with regards to their sexual desires neither could deny to be absolutely mind-blowing but again, as this said day reaches its end, Hyunjin will still be back from where he started, and that is a good distance away from Felix’s place as he burns the cigarette in the cold air, eyes staring back at the apartment window lit like some divine view from above that tells the whole world or whoever is watching how two lovers are happy together, while the unknown (forgotten) third stood still, again in hopes that for even just a day, or a night, or an hour at least, he can get to call Felix his.

There is no telling exactly as to why the Australian lives this way, being together with Changbin and yet keeping Hyunjin on the side. There is no telling either as to why Hyunjin keeps living this life he knows all too well to be wrong when there’s a better life out there for him, a better world, a better promise than what he tells himself at night just so he can live through another shitty day in delusions of having someone he can’t that it now feels like a game of cat-and-mouse.

There are a lot of things that are of no telling but out of those countless of things, there is only one that Hyunjin wants to know, for Felix to tell him at the very least, and as he laid there in the aftermath of another sheets-strewn rigorous fucking behind Changbin’s back between his partner and his partner’s “partner”, Hyunjin laid next to Felix as they both stare at the lifeless ceiling above, pretending it is the night sky they will never get to see together while they hold hands, naked and still basking in the afterglow of sex.

Felix’s eyes are glazed with exhaustion while Hyunjin’s, well, Hyunjin’s are glazed as well but it is no exhaustion nor of sleep that coats those bright eyes with a thin sheet of tears burning hot in the sockets but of something else, something stronger entirely that prevents Hyunjin from just reaching over the male next to him and seal their lips together, to finally say what he has to say be done with it once and for all. It was also that very same strong urge that reminds Hyunjin to leave soon before Changbin catches them in a way no lover is looking forward on greeting him in any situation known to mankind.

He hasn’t cleaned the essence he left inside Felix just yet but even if he did so, when Felix told Hyunjin “inside”, in the back of his mind Hyunjin doesn’t want to clean it later. He doesn’t want Felix to clean it out of himself later too because like the idiot he is, Hyunjin is still hoping that perhaps what seed he left inside Felix could implant, and grow and bloom into what Hyunjin wishes would be the key to a better future between the two of them- it was wishful thinking and among the small amount of things Felix can let Hyunjin do inside the apartment he shares with his boyfriend. Among those things is the casual pillow talk too and it’s Hyunjin who always starts it off with a question that will soon end with Felix reminding him to leave, to wait for his call, and to make sure that he never, at all costs, reach out to Felix.

This time though just like his impulsive decision to discard condoms today, it was Felix who spoke first. The pads of his fingertips brushing against Hyunjin’s own they create a ripple of tickles burning through the digits but in a sweet, somehow softer way that had Hyunjin smiling small and hiding the impending outburst of a sob he’s been holding back. Hyunjin probably doesn’t have the willpower to look at Felix without shedding a tear just because they’ve always been like this.

Always, and sooner or later, they’ll have to call it a day.

“Jinnie-ah?”

It was Felix who spoke first this time.

“Hmm?” Hyunjin hummed back.

“Jinnie, what are we?”

“We’re together now, Yongie…” replied Hyunjin.

“…and that should be enough.” Felix answered back.

“Right?”

Hyunjin turns to Felix and Felix for the first time, turns back to look at Hyunjin.

The freckled young man stared back at Hyunjin, with his tussled blonde hair, cow-licked as each thin strand stood to every direction. The freckles on his otherwise smooth skin are like the evening stars twinkling every single night in the darkened skies Hyunjin stares at, praying to anyone out there who might hear his wishful pleas; like the Milky Way itself as they ran along the expanse of flesh so soft and so warm to the touch across Felix’s face, and Hyunjin can touch them with a hand he reached forward just so he can trace the dotting marks he always considers to be so ethereal- a trait that makes Felix stand out from the rest of the world.

Felix is so beautiful, Hyunjin thought and Felix himself doesn’t need to hear what the older is thinking to know what that deep gaze Hyunjin has locked on him meant. Instead, Felix stretched his hand in return but not to touch Hyunjin’s face like how Hyunjin does as he now cups Felix’s face with a thumb carefully swiping down the plush lower tier of Felix’s lips. What Felix did was on contrary from Hyunjin’s, taking Hyunjin’s hand off his face and guiding it back down between their bodies like a boundary they have to keep in-between them, between their bodies and between themselves entirely so much like a buffer to remind them both that no matter how far they could go, how long they can make this work, there should always be that unseen and yet a constant reminder of a margin that will say of what they are, what Hyunjin and Felix are…

…and they are…

“Tell me I’m right, Hyunjin.”

It was Hyunjin’s turn to sigh and release that tension in his shoulders he didn’t even know was there until he’s breathing it out of him. It was only unfortunate that as he did so, so did that first silver droplet he tried so hard to keep back but to no avail as the salty tear paves a wet path down his face- a sight Felix hasn’t seen before.

A sight that hasn’t been seen before however, was what Hyunjin is witnessing right there in front of him in the shape of the only person he’s ever loved so much flashing him what he suspects to be a smile of reassurance, telling him that everything will be okay between them or at least for Hyunjin. And it should’ve worked because Hyunjin will believe what Felix tells him even if he knows it himself that it’s not the truth but he will try. Hyunjin’s been trying for so long so there’s no point on stopping now and he’s not going to anyway, except for that unconvincing look on Felix’s face as the supposed warm smile meant to bring even a sliver of hope crumbles slowly until it finally disappears behind the freckled face.

“Tell me I’m right. Please…” Felix repeated.

“…Felix, I- ”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, you1 Where do you think you're going without leaving a kudos and a comment? Huh?  
> Hahahahaha I'm kidding! Thank you for reading but seriously, comments are very much appreciated.


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